Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
