the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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