When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
