not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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