His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
