Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
