I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
