I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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