my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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