Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
