At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
