i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
