I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
