please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
