That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
