he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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