My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
