its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
