Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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