if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
