i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
