we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
