It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
