Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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