Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
