I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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