If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
