Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
