I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
