Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
