Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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