I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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