Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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