I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
