Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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