Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
