Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
