She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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