im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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