Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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