Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
