If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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