Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
