It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
