for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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