fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
