I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
