Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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