after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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