before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
