Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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