I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
