dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
