I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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