Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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