Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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